2024 Confessions: HUMILITY - Humbling yourself to God during times of pain | Mathew 6:24

by Micah Smith

Sunday, Sept 24

I used to trust God to provide for me. I wasn’t thinking I had to get my business up and running because if I didn’t, I would be broke and in need of help from others to survive. I was thinking God was going to provide for me, so to make up for my time, I might as well do what He placed in my heart to do—make the company and see where God would take it as I waited for Him to provide.

But over time, that mindset shifted. Instead of waiting in faith, I started working from fear. As the months went by and my bank account neared zero, my trust in God faded. Fear pushed me to rely on my own strength to “save” myself. I stopped taking it day by day to serve the Lord and instead looked to security, wealth, and possessions for comfort. My lack of trust rushed me to force the company forward—not because it was ready, but because my bank account said it was now or never. Fear had won, and it showed. Rather than humbling myself to God’s promise to provide as I sought Him and His glory, I put it all on my shoulders, letting money dictate my timing instead of God’s perfect timing.

Today I recognized that my strength isn't enough and that if I continue to let materialistic things decide my trust for God, that I would be trying to live by my own fire, and how sad would it be for me if that fire blows out. All my hope, gone, my fears come true; surely depression and sadness would take over me and I would be no better than when I started off. Now on the other hand, what happens if I trust God?  What happens if I trust his character that he loves me and it shows in the sacrifice of his son, Jesus Christ, for my sins. What happens if I trust his ability as an all-powerful God, the creator of life who made skeletons wrapped in flesh to come alive, the one who created gravity, the one who directs lightning, the one who made the sun, to be able and capable to take care of me. And what happened if I trust his promises, that as long as I sought the kingdom of God, as long as I directed my actions in his way and his glory, that as long as I trusted him, that he would provide for me and bring me up in honor and bless me at his direct time? Then my fire would be non-existent, it would mean nothing. I would no longer feel shame or pain as I watch my fire go up and down, praying it doesn't burn out. But instead I would look to God and his flame and know that it isn't in my hands. I don't have to fan, gather wood, or stress to keep the fire going. All I have to do is reach out to his fire and know that it is enough to keep warm and provide for me in all needs. 

It's not wrong to make a plan; make the best plan you can! But then make sure to walk in peace and freedom when the rock that is reality causes your plans to go sideways, which it will. You must remember, you're not being measured by God by how much you get done/ how efficient you are. You're being measured by how much you trust the wisdom, goodness, and sovereignty of God to not only work out the problem in your life, but to use it for his Glory and for the goodness of everyone involved, even when you can't see how that is possible.